I feel old at times but then I quickly remind myself that my age, that number simply represents the time from when my soul was born into this body, this experience. Age is not a factor at all of who I am and where I should be or need to be in life it's just a biological clock. I do not envy being any younger although those were some exciting times I didn't have my head right and I definitely was just living for the thrill no where close to my purpose. But there are many pros to aging and although I may never look my age I'm honored to be walking in this wisdom from my younger years while continuing to explore, learn & grow. Man it feels so good.
I've never considered myself great until recently. I never considered myself worthy of the best life until recently. You know what changed? What changed is my attitude and how I truly thought about myself. I realized there was nothing wrong with me and allowed myself to be and express that authentically. I'm simply human and and this is my journey. It's essential that we see no life as a mistake especially our own because we may be different and not adhere to societal views of where we should be based on our gender, race, age, sexuality, etc. All humans and their journeys are a blessing. When every human taps into their magic and lives on purpose it helps us all open our eyes to the wonderful possibilities of humanity.
Over the past couple of years I've started to live my best life because I developed this cool little thing called SELF LOVE. There's no turning back! Life is so much better now. I'm genuinely happier, healthier and more productive because I'm taking care of me and my needs first. I don't care what anyone thinks of me and how I'm living my life because it's my life and I'm the only one to make an assessment of who I am, where I should be and what I should be doing. As a result I'm smiling more, meeting dope people, exploring the full extent of my humanity and being offered amazing opportunities with amazing people and organizations. I'm truly grateful for seeing myself so that you too can see me.
If you follow me on social media you already know that I talk a lot about self care and self love. This year I continued on my quest of mastering the art of self love. A lot of people have the wrong idea and they perceive it as a selfishness. The art of self love is selfing it's a commitment to love and care for oneself without regarding the opinions of others, it's choosing to put oneself before others, it's focusing on what makes you happy, it's going out to do something whether or not you have someone to accompany you and you enjoy your own company. Self Love is completely about bettering oneself and striving for fulfillment of your soul. It's an art because there is no one way to do it it's completely personal. And a magical thing happens when you start to love yourself you'll radiate those who love themselves and who will genuinely love you. It's a win-win. Those who understand this will not stop you from doing what is essential to your journey of self love. And when you find those people keep them close.
I've recently left my twenties and I guess that's what originally prompted this post but I'm still growing. I'm a baby in the wonderful world of knowledge. As a kid about 11-12 years old I always thought that being an adult meant living independently, working and paying bills. I knew there had to be more to it but I wasn't taught that as a kid. I figured we just grow up after doing all we've been told to do and who we've been told we can be and then we just work until we die. As I started to navigate adulthood it didn't excited me and living it was pretty miserable too. I I just knew there had to be more.
I decided to push some limits and test the waters of what happens when you stop doing what society tells you is the only way to be an adult. I've always maintained multiple incomes but I rejected the office job because I didn't want to sit at a desk all day and miss the daylight. I chose odd end jobs from coffee shops to retail stores and although I wanted more at the time I was still able to handle my bare minimums like rent and bills so I thought I was doing ok. But overall I wanted more out of life and seriously I needed more money to live the way I wanted. I just knew I deserved more out of life. I didn't want to just work a job and get a check.
I'm happy that I challenged this ridiculous notion that society feeds us is the only way. I kept searching for years. I ended up working as a producer for a major television network and it was monotonous, day in and day out the same people and the same thing. I finalized my ultimate dream to help create television and I miserable. How could this be? I was living week to week, check for check and going to "happy hour" drinking my life away with people I didn't even like to be around. I knew this couldn't be the life for me. I felt like something was missing, I knew something was missing. I couldn't help but think that I spent my whole life, well most of my known years of it working my ass off to just plateau as an adult because I was working for a well known television network. Could this be my reality? The rest of my life? Every time I met someone and told them my job and title they would seem so happy for me but that feeling didn't resonate with me? I had to make a change and that change started within me.
I focused on loving myself and doing things that I enjoyed so I started to read more, learn more and go to new places. I simply decided to make the world my classroom. I explored on my own enjoying my own company, searching for things that boggled my mind on the internet and diving deeper into it just so that I could soak up bits of knowledge. Since I was fortunate enough to be in a position to get a weekly check I tried to utilize my free time to better myself and feed my soul. I was on a mission to figure out what life was about and in the process I got to know myself. I answered so many questions – Why am I here? What is purpose? Who am I? Who am I going to grow to be? When am I going to buy property? How does one even go about buying property? Do I want to start a family? Many of these questions were answered and some I'm still working on today amongst others but the ones that I was able to answer at the time helped me discover the necessary steps I needed to take in my life in order to move forward as the best me living my best life.
While reading and exploring different interests from nutrition to yoga to kickboxing and back again, I found that I definitely enjoyed ways to preserve my health and I loved learning. So after years of intense personal focus I considered quitting my television network job. The dream at the time was to move to California to be a yogi or even be an at home nutritionalist/ meal prep guru for anyone who would hire me. This was back in the early 2000s before everyone was doing this if only I followed through with that idea imagine where I'd be. I did try to draft out a plan for the big move but it just didn't seem like the best idea for me financially.
So I kept reading, writing and exploring and the one common thread to all of this was helping others by first helping myself. I decided to dive into the beautiful world of writing as it brings me so much joy to be able to release my thoughts as my own therapy and at the end of the day help others by sharing them so they too can push through their darkness into the light.
I will continue to explore and learn and dig into the deepest parts of myself now that I know what direction I'm moving in. I truly love what I'm discovering about myself. This is a beautiful journey, I love who I'm becoming. Every day is a blessing and a new beginning. Currently I am daily speaking up about injustices regarding people of color and difference so essentially I decided to speak what I typically would put to paper and I'm a resource to multiple television networks when it comes to matters of human equality. I'm enjoying my life and I'm realizing the art of self love can never be mastered as it's a lifelong journey of rediscovering one's peace and happiness.
Who know were I'll be in 5 years or what I'll be doing but whatever it is better feel as good as I do in this current moment. Life is so good. Nonetheless I plan to continue to share the inner workings of my mind with you all in whatever form that may manifest. No matter what happens writing will always be my foundation.
Thanks for taking the time to read.